Tips on how to gain weight and be FAT

•March 29, 2010 • 2 Comments

There are tons of resources available via television, internet and media on ways to lose weight and stay in shape.  Gurus giving advice, yoga instructors bending and posing, personal assistants, fitness instructors and ofcourse stripteasing Carmen Electra with her pole dancing.  All guiding and molding people into a healthier skinnier you. That’s great!

But what about those of us who rather look like a pear than a banana.  Who is inspiring those who hope to sit on our couch wearing soiled track pants and t-shirts with ice cream stains watching Lost and laughing at the bimbos on America’s Next Top Idol Model Pimp Sell Out.  Sure there is Jack Black and the fat guy from SuperBad but we need more leaders.  

So that is where I hope to provide some much needed guidance.  A strict ant-diet if you will.  The following are some tips on how to let obesity flow over you like caramel over french vanilla ice cream.   

  • Start fat early. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And Canada has the most donut shops per capita. Put two and two together and you have a nice baker’s dozen. 
  • Always carry snacks.  After breakfast, before lunch you need something to hold you over. Fill your desk at work with snacks like Nibs, chocolate, Doritos and gummy worms.
  • Lunch is also important. Don’t skip it just because you are still full from breakfast and snacks.  Eat up.  Hamburgers with fries and gravy definitely help the day go by faster.
  • Plan Ahead. While at your desk start deciding what you want to buy and eat for dinner and a late night snack while watching TV. Nobody likes it when their favourite show is about to start and there is nothing in the fridge.
  • Before bed grab something for the night.  Many people don’t realize your body is using calories while you sleep. Keep it replenished while you sleep. A bowl of Captain Crunch cereal and a chocolate milk works well for me.

There are many small things you can do like taking a taxi or bus instead of walking, taking the elevator, asking someone else to get something from the printer for you or just asking the waiter to add a little extra.  These little things lead to big results. Literally.  Goodluck and stay fat. If not for you then for the people around you.



Religion vs. Science Pt. 1 Religion doesn’t make sense to me

•February 7, 2010 • 3 Comments

The Board of Directors for God Co.

I know most of my blog entries have been about fun, useless topics about me. And ofcourse there is my dog who sometimes hacks into my account and posts stuff here and there.  But recently I have been interested in religion. Actually, I am interested in all the science and history behind why religion is a lie. 

I don’t want to offend people. Well actually, I don’t mind if I do so for those of you who don’t really enjoy this topic or are scared that after reading this you might doubt your beliefs than you should stop reading. But for those who don’t care either way and don’t know what to believe (like me) than maybe this might be of some interest.


I am not an expert nor do I have knowledge of all religions of the world.  What I have heard from religion comes from the following sources:

  • What I read in the newspaper or watch on tv
  • What I hear from people around me
  • What information is available on the internet
  • What my friends told me when I was young and went to church with them
  • What my parents told me when I was a kid
  • What I learned at religious class when I was forced to go
  • What was told to me when I went to mosque

I haven’t read the Bible, Quran, Torah, and all the other Holy books that describe what God is and what he wants us to do.  Actually that is one goal I have this year. I want to read the Bible and the Quran.  Not because I am religious but because I want to know exactly what both these books say before I totally disregard them.

I don’t want to say I am an atheist because nobody knows with 100% certainty that there is no higher being. But I don’t believe in a specific religion because I think it has been proven via science that most of what all the religions say can’t be possible.  So does that mean I am agnostic?  Maybe. But I am still not convinced whether there is a God.

Why I stopped believing?

These are a few examples that really hit home making me believe that religion had no idea what it was doing.

My earliest memory is of my mother talking to me and telling me about God. I love my Mom but as she is uneducated and has no understanding of religion except from what her mother told her, it is fair to say she was telling me fairy tales.  She told me things like the rain is when God is watering his lawn, snow is when he is dusting and so on.  And she always used religion when it was convenient for her view. I remember I wanted a kitten when I was young and my mom told me that the reason we couldn’t get a kitten was because for every hair it shed in our house, we would have to give a piece of gold to God in heaven. And she also said that alcohol was the devil’s urine.

When I was in elementary school and was forced to go to religious classes on Saturdays our teachers told us the most strange and ignorant ideas.  I remember one day our teacher told us that the Quran predicted everything that was going to happen in the world from creation to destruction. He told us that the Quran knew when there was going to be disasters, wars, etc. He said that even Hitler was predicted. My first question was, then why didn’t someone do anything about it? His answer? Muslims knew but why would we tell the Jews about this? And I found it so strange that being muslim meant being humble, forgiving and loving was only if the person was muslim too. One of the students asked “so what is one of the predictions that will be coming soon?”. The teacher said that we should beware the Chinese for their will be a new Anti-christ like Hitler who will come from China and try to destroy the world with World War III.  He told us not to trust the Chinese and to avoid doing business with them.  This really made me realize that religion not only makes people hate each other’s beliefs but also promotes racism.

Who knew? Apparently the Quran did!

My teacher said he would come from China not Korea. Maybe they all look the same to him?

I was in highschool and had a part-time job. During my lunch I was sitting alone at a food court when a Korean guy approached me. He said he was from some Korean Christian church trying to spread the word of Jesus. First of all, I never think Asians are Christian. It kind of seems de-evolving. I mean originally Buddhism was the main belief of Asians was it not? And doesn’t Buddism stand for peace, tranquility, the belief in nature and one self? Isn’t switching to a religion where wars are fought because of differences of opinion seem as going backwards? Anyway, he asked me if I believed in Jesus and the Bible. At this time I had no knowledge of Christianity nor did I have any strong opinions. But that day I spent about 20 minutes arguing with him why I thought Jesus was being used and the Bible was not the word of God. I asked him if everyone believed in Jesus than why were there so many kinds of Christians. I also asked him if Jesus wrote the bible. He said no. I asked if God wrote the bible. He said that people who received messages from God wrote the Bible.  Then I asked so if I was living in that time and I told people that God gave me a message it would be in the Bible? For example God  told me that eating donuts would cause cancer. Would that have made it into the bible? Would Tim Horton’s be outlawed in Christian countries? He said I didn’t receive a message so it wasn’t possible. But then I asked how he knew those people long before his time were telling the truth. Why did he trust humans who alway lie about messages from God?  There are tons of people who we classify as mentally insane that say God gave them a message. Why don’t you trust them but you trust people you never even met?  Instead of answering these questions with some sort of logic, he resorted to the easy answer. “You must have Faith”. And that is what killed all Faith I had in any religion. The fact that nobody can give me a precise or honest answer. I should just have Faith.

And the book said "Thou shall not consume dough thath has been frieth for else suffer the plague named cancer.

I am sure there are many other reasons I stopped believing in religion but those are just a few that stood out. Then when I went to University and was forced to read books. I learned about Evolution, Astronomy, History, Literature and Communication.  Through science, history and biology it became so obvious to me that there is no way religion could be right about anything in this world. There was no talking snake, 7 days to build the world, people who lived to be 900 years old.  How could there be 72 virgins waiting for one man if he followed the word of Islam and believed in Allah.  If God says he loves us all then why does he cause so much trouble on purpose. Is he that bored that he needs to make people suffer and then tell them believe Him and only Him otherwise He will make your life Hell?

If there is a God then I think it can’t be human, have emotions, get jealous or be nice to only a select few who believe.  A Catholic priest who pretty much gets a free ride in life because he is a person of the cloth gets to go to Heaven. Whether he rapes little boys, takes money from people in the name of the Church and looks down on people who don’t follow his ways will always be a Son of God. But someone who doesn’t believe in religion and just lives every day to be a good person, do good deeds, try not to hurt people and live an honest life will burn in hell for not believing that God got pissed because Adam and Eve ate one stupid apple and threw them out of his paradise. Does he not believe in second chances? Or Forgiveness?

I was hoping I could write something positive about religion but after thinking and sitting in front of my computer trying hard to find one thing that religion gave me that made me happy I came up blank.  I guess the only thing that I can thank my mosque for is giving me free food during special events. But when I think about it, the food was either donated by a rich guy who thought it would benefit his reputation as well as give him points with God to give us all food. Or it was paid for by the money the followers all chipped in every weekend to keep the mosque running. 

I hope my parents don’t read this because even though I have told them time and again I don’t really believe in religion they seem to think it is just a phase I am going through.  If they read what I wrote they would probably be heartbroken and think they let the devil take hold of their son.  My parents go to mosque probably 3 to 5 times a week. I guess the only good thing that religion gave my family is something for my parents to do.

Condo vs. Apartment?

•January 31, 2010 • Leave a Comment

So I am leaving my (shitty) apartment at the end of February and moving into my first condo.  I am excited, scared, nervous, confused and overwhelmed.  Am I making the right decision? Can I afford to make this move? Will my life get better or will I become house poor? These are all thoughts that have been running around in my mind.

There are definite benefits for both living in a condo or paying rent in an apartment. Here are some obvious reasons why so far I have been living in an apartment and paying rent:

  1. I was living with my parents and paying rent there. It was probably lower than other places and included the services of my mom( cooking, cleaning, tucking me in at night)   =)
  2. I moved out on my own for the first time but it was in Japan so I had no choice but to pay rent.
  3. I moved in with Miho in Japan and we both didn’t know where we were going to live in the future so renting was also a good option.
  4. In Vancouver, Miho didn’t have a work permit, I had a shitty job. Real Estate there was way over-priced and the only place we could afford was a basement apartment so renting was our only option.
  5. In Toronto, we came back with almost no savings (Vancouver was F ‘ in expensive) so renting was our only alternative.

Basically it came down to we couldn’t afford to buy so we had to rent.  I think it hit me that it was time to start looking to buy when I sat down one night with a calculator and tried to figure out how much rent I had paid since I was 19 years old. My parents charged me $400/month (i know!?), in Japan I was paying about $650/month and Vancouver and Toronto has been about $1000/month.  So

3 years to my parents is about 14,400

5 years in Japan is about 39,000

1 year in Vancouver was 12,000

1 year in Toronto has been 10,800

So since I was 19 I have spent 76,200 dollars. HOLY CRAP!

Had I been putting that into a condo or house that would have been a pretty good investment. But instead I will never see that money again.  =(

So this is when I decided it was time to buy my own place.  I have heard the arguments against buying. 

  • Land tax is high
  • Mortgage interest rates are high and might increase
  • The oncoming Harmonized Tax might make a difference
  • Maintenance fees for condos are high
  • Mortgage payments are higher than rent
  • blah blah blah

So I am confused and since I already made an offer which was accepted and will be moving out in a month I don’t know if I made the right decision.  Some people also said the market will come crashing down next year and prices of land will drop.  Did I screw myself?

Even though both Miho and I are working and should be able to pay the high mortgage and maintenance fees, the downpayment that is required has taken all our savings.   So the first 6 months are going to be very tough adjusting to balance paying all these costs plus having a decent life.  It is scary because now we will be in debt and not paying it back is not an option.

On the plus side, we live in downtown so everything is much closer. Since both of us work in downtown we are thinking we will save money on TTC which is easily two metro passes a month worth of savings.  Our suite also includes laundry so we save on that. Our maintenance includes a pool and gym so that also saves on gym memberships. Although monthly payments will increase, other things around us will actually decrease so it might be an even trade. 

What do you guys think? Do you rent or own? Why did you make that choice? When is the right time to rent or buy? Any advice for me? Am I missing any important information I should know?  If anyone has any good advice or information please send me a comment. I need all the help I can get!

Life sucks when your dad is sick!

•January 10, 2010 • 1 Comment

Hi everyone! It’s me Maple! Woof Woof! Shhh, my Dad is sleeping so don’t make any noise. Actually he is really sick. I think he has the flu. He missed many days of work and stays in bed all day. But atleast he is home so I just curl up in a ball and lay beside him like this:

Mom is at work, dad is too tired to move so I have been entertaining my self.  I chewed on some carpet, sniffed the laundry hamper for a while, I even licked the bottom of the toilet bowl when no one was around but I can’t seem to find a way to kill time. Look how bored I got:

My dad's sock! Yum.

I would have made an excellent male Victoria Secret's model

I miss my girl Yuki. Especially since she moved in with some dog named Cosmo. I trust her but that Cosmo. I don’t know. He is a Pomeranian. You know how that breed is right? So dramatic. 

I really want to go out for more walks but for the last week, it’s been only once a day with my Mom.  She’s fun but kind of strict. When I walk with my Dad I can pretty much do whatever I want. And I make sure I pee on every tree, pole and fire hydrant I pass. Mom only lets me stop once in awhile.

Anyway, hope my Dad feels better. Don’t tell him I was on his account. He scolds me when I write in his blog. Pew Pew Pew.

My first real Christmas

•December 27, 2009 • Leave a Comment

O Christmas tree! Don't those shiny balls look tasty!

Woof Woof.  Last year on Dec.18th I was adopted.  When I came to my new home I was scared, missed my family and couldn’t stop soiling myself.  My new parents were in a new apartment and since they were so busy cleaning up after me, they didn’t get to celebrate so much.

But this year I’m much older, wiser and better at going number 1 and 2 at the right place.  So this year I was amazed to see that my parents celebrated Christmas and I got to be involved. Pew Pew.

My Papa put up a wonderful tree while Mama was at work. I watched. I tried to eat one of the shiny blue balls but I got scolded. Pew.  I think my favourite part is the Pillsbury Dough Boy that speaks when you press his stomach. Once again I tried to lick him but got scolded.

I love Santa! I asked him for some freeze dried chicken

My highlight was meeting Santa and getting a 3-bone chew set from my parents that are flavoured.  I can chew on those for hours. See…

My first Christmas celebration was great. I want to wish all dogs, cats, people and I guess even squirrels a very Merry Xmas and Happy New Year.  I can’t believe I’m already 9 years old! Just last Christmas I was 3 months. Time really flies.

Woof Woof. I only had one question for all of you. What is your New Year’s Resolution. I know my Papa wants to get more money and possibly a better job. Mama wants to save money and quickly move into a Condo near downtown. Many dogs have told me while sniffing my bum that they plan to catch a squirrel, go vacationing in a kennel or visit a spa but I have no resolutions.  Even my girlfriend Yuki hopes to build a nice hole in her new backyard to hide all her bones.  But I have no dreams or hopes for the New Year.  What’s my goal? Can anyone help? Pew Pew Pew.

Weezer’s last concert before the bus accident…poor Rivers

•December 13, 2009 • Leave a Comment


I was at the concert in Toronto and it was the best concert I have ever attended.  I knew Weezer was a fun band to see but I had no idea that they put on such a great show.  I am so lucky to have seen them and I want to thank Miho for buying me the tickets. It was an early birthday present that I will never forget. Thanks Miho!

As most Weezer fans know, after the Toronto show the bus carrying Rivers and his family had an accident. Luckily it wasn’t as bad as it could have been but unfortunately there were some injuries. I think Rivers got it the worst as he broke some ribs, injured his spleen and punctured his lung.  According to updates I read on their myspace page he seems to be recovering fine.

Here are some great pictures Miho got at the concert.

We also tried to take some video of the concert but just as I was about to film the security lady came running up and said we can only take pictures, no video. Which I think is stupid because everyone in the standing area were filming and they were closer to the stage. Whatever…

Sorry about November

•December 12, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I was thinking about my blog and how unused it was. I kept wanting to talk about things I did in November.  But then I realized nothing happened in November.  October was good because Maple turned 1 years old and I also went to the Toronto Zombie Walk with Jessica and Sarah. So if you want to see what both those events were like then watch these videos.

or click here

or click here

In November I guess I was in Japan so that is a big deal right? Since I lived there for about 5 years its not a big deal but it was fun meeting old friends, coworkers, students and some new faces.  I think the highlights for me were the food, karaoke and Edo World.  These things just can’t be duplicated outside of Japan. Why?

Food:  There are tons of Japanese restaurants around the world, some even run by Japanese owners.  But little things ruin it for me. Like the staff aren’t fluent Japanese speakers or some of the condiments aren’t Japanese but Chinese or Korean.  And I love Korean and Chinese food but when it is at a Japanese restaurant it just doesn’t do it for me. 

Sashimi at the Onsen hotel I stayed in.

Karaoke: Most karaoke joints in Toronto are open bar type places which is not found in Japan at all. Or maybe it is but I’ve never seen them. It’s more popular to have private rooms.  I went to a private room Karaoke here in Toronto but though it looked like a Japanese Karaoke room somethings just didn’t fit.  I think leaving the room to order drinks was different and most importantly song selection was old and limited.

The gang at Karoke in Sakae.

Edo World: This is like the pioneer village of Japan. It is an amusement park made to look like an old Japanese village. Samurai, Ninjas, workers and fishermen all work around town as if they are living their daily life.  But there are also Ninja game booths, haunted houses, samurai museums and a variety of things to keep you entertained.  I don’t think I could find a place that makes you feel so “in” Japan as this place.  

Nice ninjas who didn't try to kill us.

So although most of November was spent working and living ordinary life, I guess I did have something to write about.